Dearest Diary: The Magnanimous Memories of Dr Chaotica
by RuthlessBallard
Summary: Dive into the inner workings of the one and only Ruler of the Cosmos! Read his inner most thoughts in life, loss and maybe even love when he enters a brand new dimension called "The Voyager".
1. Chapter 1

Dearest Diary,

You would imagine I want for nothing. You would imagine with my power beyond comprehension, my reign upon the fools below me in my extravagant fortress of evil and my arch nemesis Captain Proton by now a distant memory, that my blackened heart would have no reason to yearn.

But alas, I do. It feels as though it has been centuries since I have laid eyes on my Arachnia. Queen of the Spider People and Enchantress of my heart!

Why must I yearn for this creature!? She who will look you in the eye and shoot a ray gun directly into your heart! Why must I dream of this impetuous harlot who conspired with Captain Proton and betrayed the very man she clearly adored!? To believe I was going to allow her to share my jeweled toothbrush holder. I have vowed my vengeance and I shall have it!

But oh Diary! Will vengeance heal my broken heart?

I must go! Lonzak and the other guards are making cookies. I must supervise, the fool will burn them. He always does.

You're Welcome,

Chaotica


	2. Chapter 2

Dearest Diary,

Each day blurs into the next. Each day is all the same to me. I awake, I dress, I make my daily announcement to the people of Earth, I polish my death ray, I watch my soaps, I find a reason to knock over Lonzak and then I topple back into bed.

At least today we are having our semi-annual, mostly mandatory Chaotica Cheer Parade for Chaotica Cheer Day. It's really less of a gift for me and more for the people. They need a chance to bond with their leader and enjoy my magnificent power on almost their lowly level. Women may faint. Men may swoon. But it is a tradition I must uphold for the good of the people.

I must leave you for my final robe fitting with my wardrobe slave, Geoffrey. He seems like a kind fellow. His hands are rarely cold and he pretends not to notice when he walks into my semi-weekly masculine crying session.

Farewell for now dear Diary and Happy Chaotica Cheer Day!

You're Welcome,

Chaotica


	3. Chapter 3

Dearest Diary,

Hazzah! What bliss! What wonderment!

Earlier today, Lonzak informed me he had detected an intruder in our midst. How was I to know that when I would enter my lair I would once again lay my eyes upon my dear Arachnia! Of course Lonzak, the bumbling oaf, did not recognize my bride. But it took me merely a nanosecond. Though naturally I would, I am indeed a genius.

Within moments I had Arachnia incapacitated, strapped down and unable to escape my clutches ever again! I was ready to pull the lever within a moments breath when suddenly, so softly,she called to me. She warned me of a fiendish plot from creatures of another dimension. She directed me to a hidden panel within the walls of my lair. I then discovered the vial I had extracted from her was a serum to render the contraption harmless.

She begged me to release her from her constraints so she may destroy the panels hidden across my cosmos!

Oh my Arachnia! You love me! Your truly love me! I kissed up her arm tenderly and was prepared to capture her lips when she turned away. How sweet! She wishes not to be brazen with our love! I was concerned when she appeared somewhat disgusted by me before her departure. Thankfully, Geoffrey later explained to me of the mating ritual referred to as "foreplay". I was intrigued but Geoffrey seemed to be quite interested in Arachnia's strangely marked henchman. He referred to him as a hunk. A hunk of what? It is unclear.

Im off to begin designing Arachnia's throne for her return! Much to do!

You're Welcome,

Chaotica


	4. Chapter 4

Dearest Diary,

Lonzak burnt the cookies again. The fool!

You're Welcome,

Chaotica

P.S. He forgot to turn off the oven as well.


	5. Chapter 5

Dearest Diary,

A week has passed since my bride has departed and I have received no word. I assume she must be quite busy restoring my cosmos. How happy she will be to return to not only a throne of glittering jewels but fortress fit only for a queen!

I have a confession my dearest Diary. We never consummated the marriage.

Naturally, it is not the act I am nervous about. Of course not! I have been with hundreds of women! I am known for my skilled hand at love touching and child creation. Many of the women rave at my ability to love touch through the night, multiple nights even! But I fear perhaps my mating acts may differ from the ones of the Spider People.

For our wedding night, I shall be a gentleman and allow Arachnia to take the lead. For her comfort of course! I fear that her first session with my rugged form will overwhelm the poor dear. It does with most women.

As for now I shall await for my bride to return and as always prepare for when Captain Proton decides to show his face again!

You're Welcome,

Chaotica

P.S. I keep forgetting to ask if I had killed Geoffrey's wife before I enslaved him. I never see him with a woman.


	6. Chapter 6

Dearest Diary,

Three weeks! Three weeks passed with no message, no rumor, nothing of my bride. I have sent a party to search for her out of fear she may have been injured but I fear that I have once again lost her.

How could this have happened!? This is the third time she has vanished! How dare she make a fool of me!

My fury has no bounds my dear Diary! When she returns and mark my words she will return, she will never leave my sight. She maybe a Queen but she is my bride and my bride will remain by my side until our last breath. I swear to you I will lock her away and throw away the key.

She will be mine. Only mine.

You're Welcome,

Chaotica

P.S. I asked Geoffrey about the wife, he never had one. I offered him Miss Goodheart but he said her constant screaming gives him painful headaches. I agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

Dearest Diary,

Four weeks. No word. My heart aches dearly.

Of course, I would not lock my dear bride away. She is a jewel, a vision to be admired and I would value her council in how to turn our enemies into dust. Perhaps I should build a bigger throne for her. What woman could resist that?

Oh Arachnia! My darling, please do return! I miss you so!

Your'e Welcome,

Choatica


	8. Chapter 8

Dearest Diary,

Lonzak and Geoffrey invited me once more to jazzercise class but I declined. I see no point.

The world is bleak. My heart is heavy.

My ice cream and my dear diary are my only confidantes in this dark existence.

Your Broken,

Chaotica


	9. Chapter 9

Dearest Diary,

I have finally decided to end my solitude. Though my heart aches still, I must go on. I do admit it gave me a small sense of purpose to polish the death ray once more and Geoffrey even complimented my change in appearance when I came in for my beard trimming. He said the slight change in my build from the ice cream and my extra amount of hair made me look "like a bear".

Im was unsure of how appearing as a large woodland creature would be considered attractive. But as I reflect, the Bear holds many of my attributes. The Bear is powerful and strong. The Bear is cunning and ruthless. The Bear is the king of the forest!

Yes. I am happy to say that I am a Bear!

The days drag on but I prevail. I have caught word from my guards that a portal near the foothills, south of my fortress, has been appearing at random. I have sent many guards to investigate but only a few return each time. I might go down to this blasted portal and investigate myself.

You're Welcome,

Chaotica


	10. Chapter 10

Dearest Diary,

That blasted portal has caused nothing but trouble. I can barely make a terrifying threat before someone starts asking "What shall we do about the portal?" or "Have you seen the other side?" or "Who keeps eating all the super-duper-double-chunky-chocolate chip-chocolate ice-cream?" It can be quite infuriating.

Thankfully, my missing guards have returned but speak of a dimension like I've never heard before. Is it possible I am at the threshold of the eighth dimension?

Ah! Another challenge is a foot! Another land to conquer! I will adhere to my vow that all of the cosmos will be mine!

But this dimension holds more to be discovered!

I have caught word a few of my guards have recognized my bride in this dimension. She is not only alive but they believe she is the ruler in this place they call "The Voyager"! I must see this for myself! Tomorrow I will go to this new dimension and join my bride. The people of The Voyager will bow before us and the rule of Chaotica will expand to new corners of the cosmos!

You're Welcome,

Chaotica

P.S. Im considering introducing pancakes to Lonzak. He can't possibly burn those.


	11. Chapter 11

Dearest Diary,

I write to you from a distant land. What a day it has been! Today, adorned in my travel robes, with Lonzak and Geoffrey by my side, we entered the world of The Voyager. A strange place indeed. Long winding hallways, creatures in every form and this odd humming sound that reverberated throughout all of The Voyager.

As always, my celebrity caused quite a commotion. We were greeted the moment we crossed the threshold by a strapping group of soldiers, who incidentally, decided to bring along their wives. It was rather sweet actually. They allow the women in The Voyager to carry guns and pretend to have little jobs of their own. They asked what my business was and I was happy to inform them that I was soon to be the ruler of this new dimension. After my declaration I, along with my men, were escorted to what I would call a rather bleak foyer until I was quickly informed we had been placed into an odd depiction of a dungeon.

You would have not believed my dismay! Trapped in a dungeon with an idiotic brood I sadly refer to as my henchmen and no signs of where my dear bride may be! Soon after being herded about like cattle, I was then approached by an odd fellow who went by the name of Tuvok. A strange man. He had the audacity to interrogate me and merely raised a well defined eyebrow when I spoke of my magnitude. It was maddening! This Tuvok was relentless in his questioning.

"Why are you here?"

"Who is this Arachnia you speak of?"

"Are you aware that stripes may make you look wider than you really are?"

I thought this plane of existence could not possibly worsen until I looked over Mr. Tuvok's shoulder to see none other than Captain Proton himself enter my imprisoned quarters. Proton smugly informed Mr. Tuvok their Captain wished to see me. I look forward to meeting this Captain and witnessing the fool bow to his new leader!

Your Welcome,

Chaotica

P.S. I feel this Tuvok crossed a line. I look fabulous in stripes!


	12. Chapter 12

Dearest Diary,

What a meeting I had! A meeting for the cosmos! Would you believe my surprise when I entered this captain's office only to see my dear bride sitting behind the desk. She stood to greet me and I was rather befuddled to see she was still wearing pants. How odd. She introduced herself to me as "Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager". I merely smiled. She must be very skilled in this "foreplay".

I was quick to congratulate my queen on successfully taking reign of The Voyager and how I looked forward to ruling the cosmos by her side. I opened my arms to catch her after she swooned from my magnificent charm. But alas, the swoon never came. She merely raised an eyebrow and explained that she was the Captain not a ruler.

How adorable.

So modest.

I laughed with glee and asked her council on how to proceed. I suggested to fetch my death ray and together we can discombobulate any who turn against us. I have shined it enough to where my dear could check her lipstick after each vaporization, and me, my very manly eye shadow. Arachnia turned down the idea and simply stated that we are in the midst of a predicament. It seems as though the threshold between my kingdom and The Voyager has been causing strange occurrences. At random her subjects would disappear to my world and thus causing distress throughout the land. It also appears that when her subjects disappear a few from my kingdom appear in their place.

It abhors me to hear that these useless plebs will not adhere to my queen's orders. Arachnia has summoned me to ask that I may use my formidable presence to force these peasants to work alongside her subjects or as they call them here in The Voyager "crew members". My dear has also requested that this following morning, I may escort her to visit with a BE'Lanna Torres, the keeper of the threshold.

I do look forward to what lies ahead.

You're Welcome,

Chaotica


	13. Chapter 13

Dearest Diary,

What an uncivilized harlot that BE'lanna Torres! How dare she show such disrespect to the ruler of the cosmos!

Earlier today, I had entered the house they call "Engineering" with my lovely bride and Mr Tuvok. Arachnia introduced me to this BE'lanna and proceeded to discuss the disappearances of her "crew". During said discussion I asked Miss BE'lanna if she had a husband, she replied that she did. I simply asked why she was out of the house if she already had a husband. She then proceeded to ask if my teeth were married to the back of my head and if her fist should escort my teeth back to its spouse.

To say that I was shocked would be an insult.

Alas, Mr Tuvok defused the situation and I was quickly whisked away from such a rude specimen. I returned to my dungeon, but beforehand Arachnia informed me that we will meet later tonight to further discuss our predicament. When I spoke to Geoffrey of my upcoming appointment he excitedly informed me that my queen was using the guise of a business meeting to finally commence our love touching! At last we may consummate our marriage!

Geoffrey was quick to spruce up my look with what little we had. I'm happy that the ingrates they call "crewmen" did not discover my present for Arachnia hidden beneath my robes.

Alas! I must leave you my dearest diary! The "Captain" has summoned me!

You're Welcome,

Chaotica


	14. Chapter 14

Dearest Diary,

I regret to inform you that we did not consummate the marriage. I entered my Arachnia's quarters prepared to sweep my bride off her feet. She stood to greet me and to my chagrin she was adorned once again in pants. Pants!? On a woman!? On a date!? But alas, my dear enjoys a challenge, a challenge I vowed to face.

She ushered me in and poured me a glass of wine. I toasted to our rule across the cosmos and she toasted to our obedience to business. As we seated I informed her that I was to present her a gift made only for a queen. She raised her lovely eyebrow in question. With a flourish I presented her a golden locket. She said I shouldn't have as clasped the trinket around her neck. I simply chuckled at her modesty. She opened the locket to see a photograph of myself and she insisted that I _really_ shouldn't have in her state of awe.

What a dear.

The poor darling must have been so nervous to be finally loved touched by none of the most handsome man in the cosmos. As we dined, each time I brought up our future she would redirect our conversation on how to deal with our people disappearing between our realms. I would attempt with vigor to curb or time together into a romantic tone but she dodged at every attempt. Finally, when I mentioned it would be best she bare only eight sons for our kingdom she stood quickly and demanded my dismissal. I begged for an explanation. I was not out of line. I believe eight is a wonderful number for our offspring! When examined, six is pathetic and ten is just overdoing it!

With her cheeks red from wine and girlish innocence, she summoned her guards to drag me away. Why must she toy with me!?

I must discuss what to do next with Geoffrey. I am at a loss!

You're Welcome,

Chaotica


	15. Chapter 15

Dearest Diary,

I plunder! I wonder! I ponder!

It has been six hours since the ill fated dinner with Arachnia. Curses! I was so close to finally consummating our marriage! I was so close to furthering my rule across the cosmos! Of course, in this time of my terrible plight my henchmen are, unsurprisingly, rather useless.

I tried in vein to discuss with Geoffrey what I should do next. But at the time the henchmen who had escorted Arachnia to my lair when they had discovered a panel placed in my lair, was on guard that night due to a shortage of "crewmen". Apparently, the strangely marked man with the even stranger name (I can't quite remember) has captured the attention of my dear Geoffrey. Geoffrey was pelting the odd man with an arsenal of questions.

"When did you get that tattoo Commander Chakoochy?"

"What made you drop your rebel ways Commander Choochootay?"

"Is it hard leading this big 'ol crew Mister Chocolatte?"

"Are you a top Chakabakaboomboom?"

The henchman calmly answered all his questions but to my surprise, as the questions went on the Commander's face slowly started to match the color of his uniform. I was quick to answer the final question.

"Well of course the Commander is on top! He's in charge here! He is a top with the crew but a bottom to the queen! It's the simple nature of hierarchy!" I cried.

To my surprise Geoffrey did not bow and apologize for his tiny brain. The man simply giggled, winked at Chapoopy and whispered "Oh good! I like a man who can be both!".

Chakoochymoya quickly excused himself only to leave Geoffrey watching the man exit while letting out a heavy sigh.

This has been an unproductive night.

You're Welcome,

Chaotica

P.S. What in the world is that man's name? Charo? Chatootsie?


	16. Chapter 16

Dearest Diary,

Though I have been deeply involved in the investigation of the disappearance and reappearance of my henchmen, I have yet to see my dear Arachnia. I have been working closely with Commander Chipotle and we have discovered there has been a strange anomaly affecting most of The Voyager's control systems. I have been told the wench who goes by the name BE'lanna is currently working on a solution. I do hope her husband is there to assist and escort her to the house of Engineering this time around.

In other news, I have also come to the realization that I have not seen Lonzak in some time.

Apparently, Lonzak has been befriended by an odd creature that goes by the name of Neelix. This strange…rodent is the head chef and has been training Lonzak on how to not burn well…everything. To my surprise, when I came to bare-witness of my dear henchman's progress, I was presented a tray of unburnt cookies. This is a feat I thought would never be possible and made a point to put it on my list of reasons to cry for my Daily-Incredibly-Manly-Crying-Session.

Your Welcome,

Chaotica


	17. Chapter 17

Dearest Diary,

After spending time with Commander Chalupa, I have convinced the man that I nor my foolish henchmen are of any concern and deserve respectable quarters seeing our dilemma won't be solved in a short amount of time. He agreed. The fool.

The Commander spoke with my queen and she has agreed to allow us quarters as long as we are escorted by a "security team" at all times. Though I do find the "team" to be a bit intrusive I am happy to write to you from a more respectable living arrangement. This also gives me time to re-strategize a plan in peace without having to listen to Lonzak's attempts at italian opera and Geoffery's constant babbling of The Commander's "killer bod".

I will tell you my dear diary that I am conjuring up a plan that will not only ensure my queen and my home but expand my rule farther than I could have ever imagined.

In due time, this Delta Quadrant will bow at my feet and I will be the most powerful ruler to ever have existed!

*note: I would laugh maniacally but my throat has been itchy and it's hard to express my terrifying essence on paper.

You're Welcome,

Chaotica


	18. Chapter 18

Dearest Diary,

Today has been quite a trial. It seems as though laying the ground work for my master plan will be an arduous task. The plan began with one small and oddly nervous henchman that goes by the name of Harry Kim. I approached the young man and merely mentioned that I have heard of his musical talents. Mr Kim seemed somewhat skeptical but once asked the young man to further explain the workings of the Oboe his oddly round face lit up. Due to my impeccable timing, Mr Kim had finished his shift and invited me to his quarters to further examine the odd instrument.

That was six hours ago.

I write to you my dearest diary trapped in a tiny bathroom. I must say young Harry's tenacious appetite for approval is overwhelming at best. Though I will have to say he is very giving. As I withhold in this tiny space for a moments peace, I am currently wearing a friendship bracelet handmade by Mr Kim, a strange blouse called a "t-shirt" with a depiction of both our faces incased in a heart, and I have been fed so many odd desserts I may never be able to enjoy a nighttime ice cream again.

I am exhausted by the young man but I must remain focused. Mr Kim is the first step in a glorious dance of deception. Step by step I will become victorious!

I must leave you. I hear another female has turned down yet another of young Harry's advances. I must hum soothingly as he weeps….this is the third time today. If Im lucky I can convince one of the guards to drag me away for "lights out".

You're Welcome,

Choatica

P.S. I should find out how Harry made this shirt. It would be a perfect present for my queen!


End file.
